Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
