I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
