I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
