My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
