Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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