The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
