Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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