I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
