He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
