So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
