I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
