Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
