I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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