and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
