I wish I only lived at night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
