If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
