I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
