we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
