So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
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Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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