I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
