I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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