Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
