He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
