Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
