batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
