I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
