I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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