She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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