If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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