my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
