Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
