her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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