I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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