I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
