we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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