The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
