I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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