No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Houston, we have a blender
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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