and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
