I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
