and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
