so explain again why im purple
no
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
