I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
