I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
