Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
