When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
