Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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