just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
