Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
And then he peed in my hair
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So. Much. Porn.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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