you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
