I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
