My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
