Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize