i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
