I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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