no, he came in my armpit
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
