when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
