I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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