Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
