I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
