in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
