trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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