I am puke
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
