Acid is not a monday night drug
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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