I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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