I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
