Swine flu. Run for my life!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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