Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
then he tried to convert me to islam
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
