he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
